Kung Fu Kitten

Sitting here quietly...
trying to ignore the rest of the world
trying to push away the pain & torment
need to focus on peace & tranquility.
Whenever I close my eyes
all I see is darkness & destruction.
With every step I take towards peace,
Darkness & pain pull me 4 steps back.
Am I destined to be surrounded by death & destruction?
Why does happiness always elude me & stay 2 steps ahead of me?
Right when I think I have happiness,
se deshace entre mis manos.
Que sera mi destino, caminar por este mundo solo?
Sera mi destino vivir entre la obscuridad y muerte?


Quien sabra?

It's late at night and we're on the phone as I stare at my ceiling.
Just hearing your voice and I'm overcome with a thousand feelings.

Please come away with me, I know it's late. We'll take a drive.
Cruise with me. I just need to be near you. I want you by my side.

No plan in mind. Look at the sky, cloudy, dark, and the rain is falling.
I hear the ocean. It's waiting for us, the gentle waves are calling.

With your arm around my shoulder, we'll walk along the pier.
You keep me warm in the cool, sea breeze by holding me near.

The raindrops fell softly and rhythmically as we made our way.
Our love runs deep. Uncomplicated. Here with us, here to stay.

Hours drifted, but felt like mere minutes as we stared out to sea.
It hit me then, I realized our moments are better than fantasy.

The sun had already risen, but I still yearned for more time.
Hard to believe the idea of letting you pass me by crossed my mind.

Responsibilities soon came calling, and we had to grudgingly part.
All of this still feels like a dream. New love, with an incredible start.

Absolutely blessed and fortunate to have found one another.
Time revealed to me how a wonderful friend morphs into a lover.

When I'm alone in my room sometimes i stare at the wall
and hear my conscience call
thoughts & scenarios running through my mind.
Once again questioning my self worth.
Everytime I start to believe something good will come along..
something breaks & it's taken from me.
Am I destined to walk the earth alone?
Am I destined to carry this pain by myself, with no one to lean on?
What shall become of me?
Wondering about my own mortality...
Seems like the harder I fight, the closer I come to my grave.
Problems & confrontations won't seem to leave me alone.
The more I try to run & hide, the more they thrive & thrive deep down in my soul.
Feels like I have a multi-layered viel wrapping my eyes.
O take this veil from off my eyes, my burning sun will someday rise.
Where is the one I seek?
Can't sit & wait for my dreams to arrive, have to struggle & fight to keep my dreams alive.
When you decide to come into my life, grab a hold of me, tell me that I'll never be set free.
Save me from my thoughts,
Save me from the nothing I have become.

LX 01/20/04

My heart fluttered furiously in my chest and my cheeks emanated a rosy glow.
As he held my hands in his, I wondered if he could feel their gentle tremors.
Hesitant, I tilted my head down to the sight of our fingers intertwined.
My mind strains to grasp the simple beauty of it all. This is our reality?

Gently, he lifts my chin and warmly gazes into my eyes. Entranced, we share a kiss.
No longer apprehensive to the unknown, I was overcome by passion and indulged.
Intoxicated by a strong voracity, I longed for us to stay in the moment.
As reluctant as I was to succumb, I was more unwilling to let our instant fade.

To think of him sends a tingling sensation down my spine and resonates in my bones.
Waking moments are spent replaying the glorious tick of time bequeathed in bliss.
Yet, no expectations will be fabricated. I will simply bask in a fond memory.

Let the ocean breeze take me to the one I truly adore, I trust she'll keep me away from danger just once more.
And just once more is all it'll take for me to stay, never will I ever wander around and go astray.
Have my soul shackled on the sands of time if you must, if thats the only way I can gain your love and trust.
Let's leave untouchable memories behind each steps we take, and promise each others hearts to never let it break.
We'll watch the sun fall asleep behind the ocean floor, to love each other is all I want and nothing more.
If nothing more is just too much then theres nothing I could do, but sit right here and write these words that are nothing more than true.

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

Joan of Arc heard voices too.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.

The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

I am at one with my duality.

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.

Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents.

To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

The air is frozen and the morning snow
Has made is so they can't place your name
Lately I have been so cold
My brittle bones might break

Don't tell me it's June, it's January in my mind
And it will be winter as long as I say
Don't tell me how green it is outside, the snow gave way to life
Cause I'm not ready to change

I won't miss being warm, I don't like what it made me feel
I won't miss being warm, I'm comfortable in my numb skin

Don't tell me it's June, it's January in my mind
And it will be winter as long as I say
Don't tell me how green it is outside, the snow gave way to life
Cause I'm not ready to change

I won't miss being warm, I don't like what it made me feel
I won't miss being warm, I'm comfortable in my numb skin
I'm comfortable in my numb skin

by Brenna Judkins

I've seen how his nose wrinkles with a laugh or a smile, it's irresistable. I can't help but laugh or smile along.
Whenever he speaks I can hear a melodic quality in the tempo and inflection of his calm, soothing voice.
Grateful to know the scent of his skin so soft and fresh. Each inhalation becomes more tantalizing than the last.
Warmth radiates from his delicate touch and my cheeks can't conceal how they turn to a pale, rose petal, pink.

If only I knew the pleasure of his eyes as we share a loving gaze.
To hear him softly whisper "I love you", as it drifts from his lips.
Breathe in the smell of his hair as his head rests on my shoulder.
Share a sunset and feeling his fingers tightly interlaced with mine.

I desperately want to know the taste of his kiss. His lips are perfectly shaped, making my imagination run wild.
Thoughts roam to something creamy and sweet. Reminiscent of strawberry ice cream on a warm summer's day.

What is love?
The definition varies from person to person...
Love is 1 person's excuse for being a fool...
1 person told me once...
I thought we were in love....guess not....
The Bible has many definitions...
Love is kind...Love is patient...etc etc...
Some say love is a pain in the butt...
Some say love is a rose...full of thorns..but also full of beauty...
Still some say..Love is ecstasy....
Love is being w/ someone you love & adore...
hmmmmm....
But what IS love?
Love is not being hurt....Love is not having your heart broken...
Love is fun....Love is playful...Love is able to communicate w/ only your eyes....
Love is knowing what the other person is thinking...
Love is able to say you are sorry....
What is YOUR definition of love?